I'm Not Done Yet!

I know, it's been since forever since I've last written. It feels like it's been for forever since I last ran too. Andrew went to New Orleans over a weekend a few weeks back, I ran once that entire time and I couldn't even finish my run. Things have been pretty busy with my sister's wedding and all. I've been sick twice which has kept me holed up inside and it's also been difficult to fit in a run with my parents and their insistent need to cook for me. Hopefully November will give me better opportunities to run. Although, the off-beat weather we've been having is making me weary.

The fact is, I like running. Actually, I love running. I hate it when I'm doing it. I absolutely despise it, it hurts, sometimes my lungs feel on fire, sometimes it feels like my legs are made out of lead. After it's over however and I'm done, this euphoria comes over me. I'm relaxed, I'm impressed, and I'm pretty much back to my normal breathing self in under 2 minutes. I feel so accomplished after a good run, I feel accomplished even after a terrible run. I didn't just go to work and come home watch TV, I ran. Our bodies are made for running, they're made for movement. I can't wait to get back into it. I just can't wait. Plus running's helped me lose about 6lbs! Which is pretty nice, hopefully I can lose another 6lbs when I start back up.

Starting back up is going to be difficult. I'll have to build up again and with my running partner who is more hardcore than I will ever be, I don't know how well that'll work. I might have to ditch the Drew in order to get back to my game. Let him prove to himself that he's a macho man, I'm going to take it at my own pace and work myself back up.

I'm looking forward to it though. So forward to it that from now till when I build back up, I can't spend any money...so the money I do get will go towards a really sweet cold weather running outfit and a new pair of sneaks! Woot!

Even talking about running is getting me excited. I think as an added incentive to continue my runnings, I'm going to photograph myself everyday after my runs and when I finally get to a point where I feel comfortable, I'll make an animated gif to show off the transformation!

There's still a lot I have to do to get my body where I want it to be and a lot of it is difficult for such an absent minded individual like myself. It's not all due to the fact that I'm lazy, but I know I should write down the food I eat. Just to show myself what exactly I'm stuffing my face with AND to figure out what works for me energy wise when I run. (Running when you've got nothing in your tank...is terrible!) I should try to start doing all of these workouts I print out and think about. I should stretch longer, I should sleep longer. There's a lot I need to do. And I need to get to it!

Deferred Success.

The runs lately haven't been as successful. I'm having a hardtime just blocking out the world lately. It doesn't help when I run, because it all hits me and I feel it weighing on me. Weird, running helped me clear my mind, now my unclear mind isn't helping me run! I hope I can bounce back. I'm not running tonight because I have to help Maria with wedding stuff. But I hope that I will get to do so on Saturday. We've been pretty good about supplementing our walks with runs. And I even ran for like 15 minutes when Andrew was gone to New Orleans. Which was pretty good considering I had already walked four miles that day.

I've decided that after my parents leave, I'm going to pick up a new workout routine. By February I hope to have my body completely sculpted and be able to run a 5K as if it were nothing. I'm going to buy a new pair of tights and top and eventually new sneakers.

Monday Night Running

Routine: Run 16Min Walk 1 min Run 14Min
Route: The south end of HP.

Probably the best run of my life. Seriously. You suckers thought I quit, but here I am. Trekking along. This is what? Week 6 or 7. I'm not entirely sure and I gave up on counting days because of my inability to blog. However, nothing hurts anymore. My shins don't cry out in pain, my ankles don't feel as if they are going to snap and the ligaments in my knees aren't going to come apart and have my thigh separate from my leg. (Or vise versa actually) It's just my music, my breath, my step and my pace. Granted I get a slight pain in my shoulder and since I do have a cough my lungs were a bit burning...but it wasn't intolerable. It was quite the opposite. I felt as if I could run for hours.

What I like about running is, I can just focus on myself for half an hour. I like that I'm being physical for that one half hour. That I'm doing something we all can do, I just choose to take a half hour to do it. I use will power to get up and go. It clears my head, it takes away a lot of my anger. I come home feeling relaxed and sometimes a bit euphoric. Some days I feel as if all I want to do is run and write. And really write, not blog in a messed up state of consciousness format (or babbling as I call it) that I use here. But really write. I feel that with running, I'm slowly becoming who it is that I want to be. As if dams and walls that were keeping the two people that existed inside of me are being torn asunder with each run, with each minute I can accomplish. That might just be because it's one of the first things I've done solely for me.

This didn't really focus on my routine. But there's not much I can say now that I'm hooked. Other than I didn't die today and I haven't tripped yet.

I do need to get new tights though....

Last couple of runs....

Maybe I should make a blog where I blog about how I keep up with my running blog. For motivation Ha ha ha ha! I'm actually getting sick, so running has been harder lately than ever. I also spent the past weekend in Baltimore and if Ruthy ever wants to give me those pictures, it'd be nice so I can put them up. I also have about a million things to do with my sister's wedding drawing even closer and my grandiose ideas of being the craftiest person I know. (Like I'm the next Martha Stewart...which I'm not cause I lack patience and think it should take me like 20 minutes to do anything...but I'm working on that).

I did the 14 minutes, and I even gave up at one point and picked myself back up. Finished with an awesome sprint. Once again thanks to my Mp3 player, a habit I'd like to break. Yesterday with sickness and lethargy, I busted through a Run/Walk of 15min Run 1 min walk, 14min Run. I hit the wall in my two minute sprint but recovered in less than three minutes. Which isn't so bad.

I feel so lazy when I don't run but since life keeps interrupting with my running, it's been taking a slight back burner. Like tonight for example. We're going to see Cake...so no running...so I'll have to pick it up Thursday, Friday and Saturday so that I can return to a normal schedule the following week.

As for my weight...I'm remaining solid at a nice 123.5 but I still feel like that's too much for me. I'd like to get to a 110 or a 115. But it takes time, I'm not going to magically drop 10 lbs in a week or two. I should do some work now!

Days Fifteen and beyond

I've been slacking on this blog, but NOT slacking on the running. What's happened since, well, I've ran in the rain on a Friday afternoon, I've had the hardest time sticking with it on Mondays and I've done about 13 min. intervals straight. I think it's been about two weeks since I've last written. I've also gotten ridiculously thin. And I also started adding pushups and crunches to my running days. Eventually I'll add yoga since I heard it helps runners and your joints. This week, I haven't ran since Wednesday. And I'm scheduled to do a 14min run. I'll just do as I did Wednesday and have the Pussycat dolls guide me the whole way. I don't really want to become dependent on music, since I know now most marathons don't let you listen to music and, it actually messes up my pace. (RATM makes me like SUPER run...and then I get winded too easy) But since it's helping take my mind off the whole, my lungs feel like they are dying, I'll use it till I get back to where I was.

I talked to Maria's runner friend this weekend. Like Drew's been saying, it's all mental. You have the stamina, you just need to get the mind over the matter. Her longest distance is 20 miles and she's running the New York Marathon this November. She said I should do a bunch of 5Ks and stuff first and work my way up. You have to start somewhere, it's nice being congratulated by another runner. Makes me feel like I can actually do it, I mean she started from the bottom too right...so she knows the road.

I'm going to do a run today. If I have time and then again tomorrow. No breaks because it's been since last Wednesday that I've ran!

Day Fourteen

Wednesday September 3, 2008
Routine: Run 6 min Walk 1 min x 4 Run 2 Min
Route: From the apartment to Benner, to fourth, to Mansfield to Graham, to Benner, to Felton, repeat once and home. Or something like that.


I wasn't feeling like running today....again. I actually never feel like running...until I'm running. I stay up entirely too late and wake up too early. I should to go bed earlier...but I wish work started later!

NJ is under a tropical storm watch...so the walk to work today was super muggy. I assumed...the run would be 10x worse. It wasn't. A nice breeze tore through the area and I ran and ran and ran and even felt like I could keep running. I must admit it was tough, but The first week felt even worse. The first day felt like climbing Everest, today...like Kilimanjaro. I don't want to think about tomorrow. I want to think about today. And today, I even sprinted the last two minutes...up hill! WOOOT! :)! Ran past another runner...who was obviously more runner than Andrew and I. Gave us a smile and a wave. I finally felt like part of a community! I can do this now. And even when I have bad runs, those were that days runs. Tomorrow's another day.

Now I'm off to shower and get Ruthy and start the weekend! :).

Days Ten, Eleven, Twelve and Thirteen

I've been lazy, here's a recap!

Saturday August 30, 2008
Routine: 4 Min run 1 Min walk x 6
Route: All over Johnson's park.

If you remember back from last Friday, I did this routine. I also gave up on this routine and managed to jump start myself back into it and finish after taking a 10 second break. I wrote "I know I can totally do this" (scroll down it's true!) Ha! SIKE. I gave up on the first minute of the fifth run. My ankles hurt, my shins were in pain and there was just no way in hell I was going to finish. I felt miserable and I just didn't want to do it anymore. I felt so hard on myself. I thought if I can't do this run, how am I ever going to do any runs. I tried to cheer myself up, relax on Sunday and go into Monday stronger.

Monday September 1, 2008
Routine: Run 5 min Walk 1 Min X 5.
Route: Route: From my apartment, down Benner to Cedar Lane to Route 27 for two blocks back down to Benner back home.

This was a mission and yet again, I got to taste the bitter taste of defeat. Rutgers Football and I, a bunch of losers. I gave up with about 9 more minutes to go. Wonderful!! We started up hill, waking up my ankles were screwed. I had no desire to ever go on this run and neither did Andrew. After the third rep. he let me know he had nothing in the tank. There was no desire for him to run either. His lack of motivation, only confirmed mine and once again I was disappointed that I was a failure. I chalked it up to "I have to listen to my body." Set up different running routines in my head. If I do this and fail, I'll switch it up and finis the whole 30 minute work out this way...was all I had in my mind on the shameful walk home. I wasn't giving up on running, rather I was giving up on the Runner's World 8 Week Schedule. I'm not running to fit anyone's schedule, I'll get to where I need to be, when I want to be there. Running is solely for me right now. I was proud that I wouldn't let two disappointing runs discourage me, upset that I couldn't live up to what I thought I could.

Tuesday September 2, 2008
Walk Day.

We walked from the apartment to Salon Envy and back. Talked about everything and anything. Went to Stop and Shop, bought some groceries. I cooked dinner and proceeded to be lazy from that point forward. Regardless of whatever grand ideas I had in mind when it came to making this place look habitable.

Wednesday September 3, 2008
Routine: Run 5 min Walk 1 min x 5.
Route: From the apartment to Benner, to fourth, to Mansfield to Graham, to Benner, to Felton, repeat once and home.

Today, is my ninth run. My make or break point. Let me just start off by saying, that I went to bed entirely too late last night and woke up ridiculously early this morning. I have cramps, the walk to work was the worst walk of my life. Work itself was insane because school just started and when it was 5:00. I had no desire to come home, stretch, run my ass off and then get to clean my apartment. I got out later then expected. Got home and asked Andrew to give me at least a half hour before we embarked on this 5min run 1 min walk adventure I didn't think I had a shot of winning. After losing track of time to complain about The View, I got ready, stretched and headed out the door. Had a plan not to start up the ridiculous 11th Street hill. Learned an important lesson in pace and steadying oneself and low and behold ladies and gents. I walked home, 5 intervals later. My ninth run, my beginner's benchmark, successful! My lungs never felt full of lava, my ankles never felt like they were going to snap. (my knee kinda hurts, but whatever) In fact on my last interval, I felt like I could run all the way home and that was an additional 4 blocks home. I was on fire not my aching body.

I'm enthralled. I can do this. I can do this but more importantly I can cut my losses and learn from them. I can also reward myself when I deserve it. I don't let myself get so disheartened by defeat. I'm so happy with myself right now.

Day Nine

Workout: Run 4 min Walk 1 min Repeat 6 times.
Route: Around and around Donaldson Park.

JESUS CHRIST! That was intense. Intense I tell you. Half way through my fourth rep, I gave up. Started walking for about 10 seconds. I think my brain needed to catch up and wake up, tell me that I could keep doing it and I did. I finished my 6th rep at almost full speed, wanting to run faster and longer than ever. My second wind came after those 10 seconds where I gave up. I amazed myself. I was sure that once I gave up and started walking I was done, but I think I just needed a couple seconds to process. I'm proud of myself, I accomplished something, I persevered, I got back up on that horse and kept at it. My only complaint is that my left ankle is killing me. I have to call mom and ask her if that was my messed up one...I might even go to the doctor, but I'm worried that he/she will tell me to stop running. I don't want to do that. It's been two weeks and I've gone from running for about 10 minutes and possibly a mile to running about 2+miles and for 24 minutes. That's a great increase and a great accomplishment. I don't want to stop now, I want to keep going.

Next week on my walk days and Saturday I might add some kind of strength training. Maybe squats, crunches, planks and push ups. Just to even things out and make my body stronger. I'll start doing yoga again too. I hear it's good for a runner to do yoga.

Oh man, that was intense!! Tomorrow's the same thing and I know I can totally do it :).

Day Eight

Workout: Run 3 Min, Walk 1 Min Repeat 7 times Run 2 min
Route: From my apartment, down Benner to Cedar Lane to Route 27 for two blocks back down to Benner, up to Woodbridge Ave Down 11th and home.

Jesus Christ! That was rough. Though surprisingly, not as tough as the first day. I never got the Colossus legs, I just got the "Why the fuck am I doing this?" thought run past my mind a couple of times. I wanted to give up at the 7th rep for three minutes. My body ached, my lungs turned into a lava pit in the middle of my chest, but I kept on. How? I don't know. I impressed myself. I think if I can convince myself that I'm a masochistic enough, I can get into this whole running business. Apparently that's what it takes. Running is an abusive partner in the relationship...I need to learn that it only hurts me because it loves me. The funny thing is before the run, during our warm up walk, I was discussing with Andrew how awesome if would be if I could build up to the point where I could run to work in the mornings. And by run to work, I mean...run all the way to work. All 4.something miles. I'd have a killer body and ridiculous endurance. Not Marathon runner endurance...but I'm sure doing that everyday, 5 days a week, I would build up to get to 26.2 miles at some point.

I know I'm getting ahead of myself with this talk of marathons and even running four plus miles. But it's the thought that I can accomplish this that amazes me. Keeps me going. I want to be able to do this. If Rutgers has the Big Chill again this year, I think I'm going to sign up. It'll give me something to look forward to, something to keep me training. A goal I suppose.

Friday's run, which will be the 6th run for me is going to be intense. It's 4min of running. One minute of walking. Six repetitions. I struggled at the halfway point of three. It's going to be rough and I'll hate it. But no one ever said this was going to be easy.

Three more runs till 9, I feel like I'm making that a magic number, but by that point I should be alright.

Day Seven

Workout: Half hour walk
Route: Around College Ave and George Street, New Brunswick.

We walked around New Brunswick because I had a ridiculous craving today for a Chili Cheese Dog. Odd because I hate hot dogs, but something inside of me was like, you need a Chili Cheese Dog! I should've asked for onions. But aside from filling up my fat ass, the walk wasn't so bad. I was sore in the thighs, but I think I felt a lot worse this morning. The walks aren't so bad, especially since I already do them every morning. A half hour walk is what it takes to get to work, so I have no idea why I comment on them.

Oh! One thing I have noticed. My left ankle aches, I would say immensely but I think I'm overreacting.

Day Six

Workout: Run 2 Min, Walk 1 Min Repeat 10 times.
Route: From my apartment, down Benner to Cedar Lane to Route 27 back down to Benner and Home

I was not ready for this. I actually thought I would quit. Two minutes sounds like nothing. It's 120 seconds, it seems so insignificant. But when you feel your lungs burning it becomes a monstrous. I don't understand how anyone can run for 2 continuous hours...I could barely run for two continuous minutes. It was intense. In the beginning, I thought it was nothing. The first three laps felt like nothing. Even by the fourth repetition, I thought soon I'd get my second wind and be able to do this. I didn't know five, six and seven would bring on trouble. Andrew had intense cramps, I felt like my lungs were on fire, but we both persisted and made it. I got a second wind around the eighth repetition. Realizing that it was just four more minutes, made me move on. I didn't want to give up, I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it...and I did. I was very happy.

But now, Wednesday is making me flip out. That's a three minute run...I could barely handle two...an extra minute might be the death of me! Wish me luck! Five more runs till number 9 and though I thought I'd by sneakers, I think this week if I do all the runs, I'm getting myself a visor! That sun is intense and my hair get so annoying!!

Day Five

Workout: Run 1 minute, Walk 2 minute, repeat 10 times.
Route: From my apartment, down Benner and back

Today's workout was actually great. I felt like I could run for longer than one minute intervals. No soreness, no ugh I'm not going to make it. I was on the ball. Except that my ankles kill me...but hey, that's what happens? I guess I can't handle the impact yet...maybe I should look into a new routine. Who knows?! I have to go prep for Wildwood. Which means shower and pack some last minute stuff!

Day Four

Routine: Walk 30 min
Route: From the Apartment to Benner down South 5th Avenue and back.

We just walked and talked. My soreness is going away! There's nothing really to report about the walks. I walk everyday to work for half an hour, so this isn't anything new. Deep within Highland Park though exist some McCainiacs. Completely unexpected. Then we saw a "Beware of Dog" sign in Hebrew...or at least I think it was a "Beware of Dog" sign.

Tonight's another 1X2 run walk. And then I go to Wildwood for the weekend. Saturday's blog will be late then. And hopefully I don't forget to run on Saturday!

Day Three

Work out: Run 1 min Walk 2 min x10
Route: Same as Day One.

This too place yesterday, but I came home stretched for what felt like forever, cooked and just wanted to relax. I hadn't slept much the night before.

It wasn't as bad as Monday. Actually, I survived the entire thing without feeling too terrible. No thoughts of needing to be towed entered my mind. The toughest parts were the hills..which is understandable I think. This time, I didn't start to feel it till the 7th rep. Not bad! If I did feel like crap in a run, I focused on something else, my breathing, my stride, my pace. It helped me out. Granted they are only short minute runs...and as of right now I'm not sure how much longer I could focus on my breathing. But this workout is supposed to slowly bring you up to being able to run for 30 continuous minutes. And I think I've accepted the fact that it's not going to be an easy battle. It's gonna hurt, and I'll feel like crap, but eventually I'll get to the point, where it doesn't and it's always been part of me. Tonight's work out is another walk...so I'll be back with updates on that.

Day Two

Workout: Brisk Walk 30 minutes.
Route: Down 5th Street to Donaldson Park, to the Raritan and back.


My legs are sore from yesterday. Walking to work (which is a half hour walk itself) was difficult. But the walk wasn't as bad as yesterday's run and I got to discover a whole new part of Highland Park that I'd never seen before. It really made me appreciate my new town a whole lot more. Donaldson Park is actually pretty cool and when I feel up to it, I definitely think The Drew and I will make many runs there. Someday, maybe we'll even get a canoe and paddle the Raritan. There were a couple people rowing in sculls on the water. Tomorrow is another Walk Run and we'll see how I feel tomorrow.

Day One

Workout: Run 1 minute, Walk 2 minute, repeat 10 times.
Route: From my apartment, down Benner and back.

I thought this was going to be cake. I just didn't expect it to be a cake I'd have to earn through Portal like challenges. I was duped by the fact that I can walk 2 miles to work with no problem. Running apparently, is a whole different ballgame. I didn't feel like crap until about the 6th interval. Felt the pain at about the 7th interval was convinced death was coming in the 8th or 9th interval. Home felt so far away by that point and my legs felt like had been swapped with 10ton steel legs, that I'd never used before...and I was going to be forced to live on Benner. At least until Andrew got a tow truck and got me home. I got my second wind on the 10th and final interval. Oh well, at least I was able to walk home I guess! Came home, stretched and then set in that sense of accomplishment. Concluded that this may in fact never be fun, but I liked feeling that sense of accomplishment at the end of it all.

Tomorrow is a walking day...that won't be so bad.